Southwest Airlines has a controversial new idea to make customers sing a different tune

Airlines say they exist to transport you, pamper you and, yes, love you. And I exist to tell you this isn't entirely true.

These days, indeed, airlines exist to make money for senior executives — and hey, maybe pilots — as well as shareholders. And the way they do it is by giving you as little as they can get away with.

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Occasionally, of course, they try to do some good. Who can't be transported by the likes of American Airlines and United suddenly finding technological ways for parents to sit with their children without having to pay extra?

And now another airline is experimenting with something so passenger-friendly that I can barely avert my eyes. Or shut down my ears. You see, Southwest Airlines isn't resting on its laurels. You might observe that, after its Christmas debacle, it has not a leaf to rest on. 

But the airline is plowing forward, dedicating its ingenuity toward getting you there a little more quickly. Indeed, Southwest is conducting experiments that may boggle your mind and turn your ears into vessels of disbelief.

As The Wall Street Journal reported, the airline is surprising passengers at the very busy Atlanta airport with ingenious touches. Passengers know these touches are ingenious because there's a big sign that says: “Innovation Zone.”

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Your imagination is already running amok, I feel. Is Southwest making its seats five inches wider? Is the airline giving free ice cream on every trip? Is Southwest even making sure its Wi-Fi works?

Oh, it's not quite any of those things.

For a start, there are posters explaining the airline's seat policy — first come, first served-ish. Quite innovative, that. Then there are the video monitors that show important information, dynamically presented.

There's even “a roving employee with a mobile device [who] also checks oversize bags or registers pets long before boarding begins.” But this all sounds quite mundane. That's because I've been saving the big one for the very next sentence.

Southwest is going to play loud music as you slowly stagger down the jet bridge. There, wasn't that worth waiting for? Music blaring in your ears as you stand there, wondering why the line to get on the plane isn't moving any faster.

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Wait, what is this music supposed to do? Well, Southwest's research shows that when you play fast-tempo music at people, they move more quickly.

To get away from the music, perhaps?

Oh, I don't know. But the airline has three musical settings: EDM, hiphop, and what The Wall Street Journal describes as “kids' music.” Which is likely something from the 70s. Or the theme tune to Dumbo, I suppose. It's all being played on portable speakers, one of technology's great inventions.

Please remember that, even though it appears Southwest is playing with your psyche, this is all being done for your benefit. If the plane is turned around more quickly, you leave more quickly and Southwest will suddenly regain a reputation for being sprightly — which means you'll love Southwest again.

There is, though, one other aspect. If Southwest can turn its planes around more quickly, it can fly them more often and make more money.

But that's just an incidental benefit, you understand.

Southwest wants to make you happy, by appealing to your dancing feet and your very sensitive ears.